Changing What I Want

I keep battling the thought that this is too easy. That there's no way I can actually be free right now - I'm just wandering outside my normal area, but eventually,  I'll return to what I know. I'm fighting the thought that I'm a rubber band being stretched out more and more, but sooner or later, I'll get tired and relax and go back to my comfortable position. If I accept that lie - that picture - then I think I would eventually return. But I am not a rubber band. I am a prisoner who is walking away from captivity. Satan is just yelling after me to come back because it was better there and more comfortable there. He keeps saying "Well, you've had your little taste of freedom, but now it's time to come back to where you really belong." Nothing in me compels me to return, as long as I keep believing the truth that where I am walking is life, freedom, abundance, goodness, community, light, health, and transparency. The only thing that woul...

I think in one sense, I've been trying to quit porn since I began it. I've been trying much more aggressively in the last year, and highly intentionally in the past 6 months. It has come and gone in waves of victory and defeat. I would have a few days of victory followed by several days of defeat and discouragement. Then maybe a week of victory followed by 3-4 days of defeat and discouragement. Then last fall, when I started the Fortify program, my first run was 17 days, which was very significant at the time, but the failure on day 18 spun off a longer season of on again/off again victory and defeat. I felt like all the momentum I had gained was lost in such a short amount of time, and I felt like I was back at the beginning - day 0. What I didn't realize at the time was that I had been doing this "getting up and falling down" thing for 10 years, but I didn't ever watch the pattern, so getting up was always a temporary motivation of self-will or a new s...